Hope

Every day I put on that fake smile, that fake mask. Every day someone asks me how I'm doing. I put on a fake smile and simply state that I'm fine. Nothing seems to feel right anymore and even when I try talking about it, I feel like my cries are left unheard, unnoticed. My friends tell me the things I want to hear. I feel like they don't listen. I feel like nobody cares and that I'm all alone in this crazy, mixed up world. There could be twenty people in a room with me and I still feel alone.

But, I finally found someone I can talk to. That one person has made a bigger impact on my life than anyone else. Thank God.

Falling in love like in the movies has been something I've wanted. You know.. Boy meets girl. Girl likes boy. Boy falls for girl. Girl tells boy. Boy kisses girl, and things just fall into place with that. They fall so deeply in love they can't be without one another. Cinderella has been a fairy tale for every just about every girl. Prince Charming magically falls in love with her. Unfortunately, that's not how my works. My life is more like... The Little Mermaid. She has to go through some obstacles in her life and she falls for someone she simply cannot have. And so the story begins...

I fell in love with someone I simply could not have. He was everything I wanted in a guy and I could really talk to him. I felt so safe with him and he always made me feel so comfortable. He opened up to me and it just felt like we were meant to be. But, it couldn't be as simple as Cinderella. One day we were fine and then overnight... Whatever we had.. It was just... Over. After everything we'd been through, it wasn't enough.

For awhile, I blamed myself. I had so many thoughts going through my head. Everything was the matter with me. Everything was my fault. I was the stupid one. He just broke everything off.. Our friendship... Our plans... Our smiles and laughs.. Our talks... Our.. Life. I finally told myself that what happened... Wasn't my fault. He wasn't ready for what I was ready for... He finally started talking to me... And explained everything... But I still have a void.. Because... I miss what we... Had.

Things will never be the same again.

All I can do now is hope. Hope for the future. Hope that my friends will become true friends. Hope that I will find someone to make me happy. Hope that... One day... I'll be able to live my life the way I want to live it.

Hope is what I have.