Happy Girls are the Prettiest

So, many of you avid readers know who the boy I truly love is. You know what happened with him, you know how I felt, you know how I feel, you know you've been there for me as much as possible, and you know what happened between us. If you don't, tell me. I'll send you the worst day of my life. It's been exactly 7 months today. To be honest, I woke up this morning and really didn't want to get out of bed. I knew I had things to do, but none of that mattered. The 29th of every month is really sucktaculous but today, I was alone. It just kind of got to me more. I had to go back to the doctor today for a check up on the depression. As happy as I have been feeling lately, I don't feel totally and completely where I want to be. It's been working and things have been changing, but my mood swings still aren't all the way back to normal or at least a bearable level. So, she gave me a higher dosage. So, maybe I'll feel even better. I'm starting to fall for someone else but as you all know, I just can't seem to let go of the boy I love. Be patient with me. I'm trying to move on. You all know that. I'll be able to do it. I apologize for ever being annoying about him or really anything. Please forgive me. I love you all so very much.

:)

Things are still good. I am feeling better. I don't mope a lot anymore. Maybe it's denial. OH WELL. I'm happy. Right now, I'm really missing a friend of mine. I haven't heard anything from him in a couple of days but I'm okay. Naturally, I wouldn't be, but I am. :) Maybe things are starting to change and I'm just fine with that. :) I hope this next year brings many good things to my family, friends, and myself. We all need it. These last couple of years have been pretty shitty. I'm not going to put it lightly. We're all ready for some change. This year will be pretty crazy. Some of my very best friends will be graduating and I hope more than anything they won't forget about me and I will start my senior year which is NUTS. Things will be all right though. I know it. I'm very confident. So, out with the old and in with the new. Here we come 2009. :)

Life is Wonderful

So, I'm sorry to the people who read my blog. I haven't been very avid about writing. I apologize from the deepest part of my heart. It's been a really tough couple of months here guys. Just to get it out in the open, I have been diagnosed with manic depression and personally, I think it's okay to tell someone that. It's not my fault. It's not anyone's fault for having this disease. I am getting help and I'm starting to feel better. I would just like help from everyone. I just want you to trust me and just stick with me. That's all I ask. My friends are my everything; that's the bottom line. My family drives me nuts a lot, I love them, but they have been a lot of my problems lately. Having friends who stick with me, is amazing. Writing really releases my soul and I've really taken up a new passion, photography. I am in love with it. It really makes me think and try and find the beauty in things. I think it's making me more open minded and I am loving it. When I see something-- really anything -- I look at it and figure out how I can find the beauty in it. Maybe that's how life, love, and how you look at someone should be. Maybe you should look for the beauty in it and not necessarily the bad things. I've had a lot of problems in this world but... Looking around, there are so many wonderful and beautiful things. I love my life. I have a life. Even when life stomps on me, I'm going to keep pushing. I have people who love and care about me. I've been hurt, but I'm done with the grudges, I'm happy. I forgive everyone and anyone who has ever hurt me. I apologize to anyone I have hurt or deceived.

I've fallen in love. The first time seemed bad but it was beautiful and innocent. The second time, I'm still in love with him. I know it's love. Every time we touch, I get the butterflies. Every time I see him smile, I can't help but smile too. Every time he laughs, it warms my soul. Every time he looks in my eyes, I know that even if he never loves me back, he'll always care. We've come to an agreement and I'm happy with that. Now, I'm falling for someone else. It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I am most certain of that. Life is wonderful.<3

I've hurt people in my life, some that I've been very close to but it's because I couldn't see. I'm so sorry. I'm finally starting to really figure out who I am. I thank everyone who has been a part of my life for stepping in and teaching me something, showing me love, and caring for me.

My life is changing and I'm getting older. 2009 is bringing many changes for me. I'm not going to be in choir anymore. This is huge for me. It's always been my whole life but, it's not anymore. You know what, I'm okay with this. I'm changing and so are my passions. Photography helps me so much more. It makes me so much happier. I'm going to look at 2009 in a more positive way. I feel good. I'm going to be who I want to be. Life is beautiful. So full of... love.

Thank you everyone. Post again soon. <3

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Jason Mraz Life is Wonderful lyrics. I encourage you to read the lyrics and listen to this song.


It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
And it takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
And it takes some fears to make you trust
It takes some tears to make it rust
It takes the rust to HAVE it polished

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la

It takes some silence to make sound
And it takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to MAKE a mountain

Ah la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life is meaningful
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la life is meaningful
Ah la la la la la la life is full of
Ah la la la la la life is so full of love
Ah la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life is meaningful
Ah la la la la la life is full of
Ah la la la la la life is so full of love

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Jason Mraz The Beauty in Ugly lyrics


she's so big hearted,
but not so remarkable
just an ordinary humble girl
expecting nothing as we're made to think
its a pretty person's world

but you are beautiful and you better go show it
go look again, you gotta be true to your own
if you really wanna go to the top
do you really wanna win?
don't believe in living normal, just to satisfy demand

well if you wanna get free
and if you wanna do the passionate thing
and if you wanna get smart for the sake of your heart
you should own your name and stand up tall
and get real and see the beauty in ugly

well you are fresh, you're face is fabulous
don't forget you're one of a kind
when nobody is checking the deeds you've done
and nobody is hearing your cries
you make all of the fashion statements
just by dressing up your mind

well if you wanna get free
and if you wanna do the passionate thing
and if you wanna get smart for the sake of your heart
you should own your name and stand up tall
and get real and see the beauty in ugly
and see the beauty in ulgy

well if you wanna get free
and if you wanna do the passionate thing
and if you wanna get smart for the sake of your heart and oh
you should own your name and stand up tall
and get real and see the beauty in ugly
see the beauty in a ulgy