Crazy

You know.. Things always happen and we don't know why. We don't necessarily understand. If things are supposed be like this then why must they be? Why can't we fix things as quick as they were broken? Why can't things be the way they used to be? Maybe it's fate. Maybe something better is to come along or maybe... Every thing is perfect the way it should be.

I had an up-down summer. More like.. Down-up-down-up. Haha.. At the very beginning of the summer, I lost someone who meant a lot to me. I felt like crap. But.. What was it that I missed? Was it what we had? Or was it what we did? Or was it just him that I missed?... What was it that was tearing me down into a million pieces because he wasn't there anymore? Then.. It hit me... I missed having someone actually listen to me.

He wasn't a big talker but.. He talked. I could talk for hours about complete nothingness and he'd listen. He was so sweet in that aspect. But.. We could talk about school, work, friends, and such but.. I always felt comfortable. I could always tell he was listening. I really felt special and like someone cared. It was nice.

One night, I was having major family issues and... he was there to comfort me. I'm sure more than anything that he was overwhelmed by what I had told him... But.. He didn't say he was. He just listened... And that meant so much. I was able to spill my guts and just tell him everything and I'd never experienced that before.

I miss that. And maybe I'll always miss that with him.. But.. Who knows?... I still miss him now even though we talk. There's been so many times where I've needed him... And he wasn't there. But.. I've made it this far.. I just.. Don't want him to hate me.

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Life's kinda crazy. It puts things in weird perspectives for you. It throws odd things at you. Things you just don't understand. I don't understand most of my life. I don't understand why ducks waddle, why fish swim, or why Tigger and Pooh are best friends but that doesn't mean I don't understand anything. I understand how important it is to forgive. I understand how much you can actually care about someone. I understand how much it hurts when people give up on you.

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I would never commit suicide, but that doesn't mean it hasn't come through my head. Life's been really tough but I always have someone to help pick me back up. Whether it's Nicole, Chase, Abby, Kim, Melissa, Richard, or Justin I have friends who care about me. I love them all very much. Life's so rough and in all honesty, you can't get through it alone. Hold on tight. Things will get better.