I Love You in Another World

It's kind of amazing how many different ways and languages there are to say "I love you". There's even special ways to say it. Female to male, male to female, and even ways to say it to your pets. There are certain ways to say it to your friends and even to your teachers. Even within the same language, it could be used differently in another country that speaks the same language. But do you always say it in our language and actually mean it? Or do we say it in some other language because well.. We are actually afraid to say it so the listener feels good about themselves? Is that reason why we say "I love you"? Do we just want to please them? Or do we actually mean it? Love is so.. Intense.. Or is it? Love is so.. Capturing.. Or is it? What is love? Webster would define it as "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." But would you consider it as such? Is it just a word we toss around? Has it lost it's meaning to lust and sex? Is there still hope out there for those of us who actually seek love?

I don't understand people who just settle for someone. Why wouldn't you want to strive for the person that you feel so passionately about? Is it because you come from two different worlds; you're an outcast and they're the most popular person? Are they younger than you and you are just worried that people will make fun of you? Are they older than you and you just aren't comfortable with being with someone older? Are you really worried about what other people think? Are you? Do you care that your friends think that the one you have fallen for is hideous? Or do you care that they are everything you could ask for? Do you honestly like them or are you just leading them on?

Why would you lead someone on? It hurts. There is no love in that.

J'capote su' toe' (Canadian French-basically, I'm head over heels for you)
Ik ben verliefd op je (Dutch- I am in love with you)
Se latrevo (Greek-I adore you)
Aloha wau ia 'oe nui loa (Hawaiian- I love you very much)
Kocham cie (Polish- I love you)
Ya tyebya lyublyu (Russian-I love you)
T'estim molt (Catalan- I love you very much)
Ti amo, Ti voglio bene (Between friends), Ti voglio (strong sexual reference)-Italian- I love you
Ego Amo te (Latin- I love you--Ego for emphasis)
I love you (English-generally meaning.. I love you, you dumbass. Get it through your head)

The word "love" is thrown around. It is played around with and.. Wherever you go, it means just about the same thing. While it's great to hear it in another language, saying it in person, with your language.. Beats out all else. I love you, simply that.

Amazing

So, it's been a while and I just wanted to post a few things on here that are.. Absolutely amazing. They were said through a guy who can be a true gentleman and there are some things that I said. Here is goes.

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"You may think you are a bad person, but to me you are a friend, and you are perfect just the way you are.."

"I don't.. That's why you're my best friend."

"Don't. You don't know how amazing you are."

"I'm sorry. I can't show you how important you are in life but.. I don't know what I would do without you.."

"..just because we aren't dating, doesn't mean I don't love you.."

"..you are strong enough.. let an angel guard you.."

"Ti amo."



The words that he says are.. Lifting and he.. Makes my day so much brighter. I can only thank him. I can only hope to become closer to him.. He makes me feel amazing. <3> Te amo. Simplemente eso.

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Lie

I am jealous. I am jealous. I hate me. I hate me so much. UGH. What is wrong with me? Why is everything coming down like rain? What the heck? I'm sick of this. It hurts. Maybe I should just tell my dad that I really want him to get a job out in Oregon. I can go out there for my senior year and stay out there for college. Maybe that's suppose to happen. Ughh.. Who knows? What am I supposed to do anymore?

The one thing I love most is being taken away from me piece by piece.. Music has been my escape. Music has been my life. Music is.. was.. is.. everything. It's the thing that I've always had.. But.. It's not there anymore.. It's been taken away.. What do you do when something you love has been snatched? There's nothing you can do. It's gone for now, babe. To the teacher who made that certain.. I hope you realize that you didn't help make my dream come true.. You helped take it away.

UGH. Boys. Boys. Boys. Boys. You've got me lost. As usual. What do you do when things just.. Don't fall into place like they should? Or maybe.. Shouldn't. You lose yourself in something you think is great. What happens when.. He tells you he likes someone else.. ? Someone that.. Came into his life.. After you?.. How are you suppose to act? What are you suppose to say? What are you suppose to do with yourself? You look in the mirror and yell and scream.. You plead and cry why.. You tell yourself you're hideous and you want to know what's wrong with you.. You take the blade and you cut yourself hoping to relieve the pain.. Or for someone to notice.. You call yourself names that nobody will hear.. You pray to God "what's wrong with me and why did you make me this way?". You look at yourself and you think.. After what I did.. For him.. You look at yourself and want to cut all your hair off.. You want to rip off that Hollister polo and just scream. You are disgusted with yourself.. And it's just because he told you he liked someone else.. And you told him you moved on. But are you jealous or are you confused? Who knows because you don't.

To that boy...

I lied.

Black Roses

I don't know how I feel right now. I am happy but I am sad. I'm torn in all directions. Why do things have to be like this? So many paths to take. Do I take the new one && totally restart? Do I take the one that is broken? Or do I go for the path that I've already taken hoping that it will take me somewhere new? Will I be accepted on any of the paths? Who knows?

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Can I ask you a question please
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly I'm standing here
Afraid I'll be betrayed.
As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let the morning light come in and let the darkness fade away
Chorus:
Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

Drowning in my loneliness
How long must I hold my breath
So much emptiness inside I could fill the deepest sea
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on
One last year has come and gonne
It's time to let your love rain down on me

Can you turn my black roses red? (x3)
Cuz
I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love (x6)

Can you turn my black roses red? (x3)
Cuz I'm feelin like I'll blame in on love
I'm feeling like I'll blame it on love (until fades)

Barely Holding On

I can't breathe.
I can't take in air.
I can't stop thinking.
I can't get any space.
I can't stop thinking about anything.
I can't stop worrying about everything.
I can't stop caring.
I can't stop loving him.


I can't hold on.
I can't let go.
I can't be near him.
I can't be away from him.
I can't cry in front of him.
I can't not have his shoulder to cry on.


All I'm doing is hurting myself.


One day, I hope to wake up next to the guy who I make feel as special as he does me.
One day, I hope to hold hands with the guy whose fingers just fit.
One day, I hope to be held by the guy who doesn't want to let go.
One day, I hope that when I tell the guy I love him, he says it back and means it.
One day, I hope to find myself with the guy who won't give up on me.
One day, I hope to find the guy who talks with me without saying a word.
One day, I hope I find the most imperfect man for me.


I have to be guided.
I have to be waited for patiently.
I have to be loved.
I have to be cared for.
I have to be talked to.
I have to be listened to.
I have to know you're here and won't leave.

I don't want to live without my friends.
I don't want to live a lie.
I don't want to live without family.
I don't want to be lonely.
I don't want to hurt.
I don't want to get hurt.
I don't want to not be cared for.
I don't want to not be loved.

I will always have my education.
I will always have memories.
I will always have the people who have helped me.
I will always have that one night that was ours.
I will always have you in my heart.
Never forget that.

Thoughts

So, I have so many thoughts and just I though I'd blog about them. :)

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I can't believe he actually said that. Trying to get my own friends to turn against me with nothing to back him up. We used to be connected at the hip. Do I really care? I don't think so. Who knows? Was she involved in this? Why would she? Why wouldn't she? Why could she? Who knows? I'm in high school, not jr. high.

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Does he like me? Did he once have feelings for me? He's so sweet. I can't stop thinking about him. Do I love him? Why am I still holding on? Is there something there? Should I keep holding on? I wish for him all the time. He's total opposite from me, illogical, hard to hold on to..& i can't stop thinking about him..i want to be the one you're thinking about.. the one you're missing.. the one you want to hold.. the one that you say "i love you more than anything" to..♥.

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Band && Choir are officially my favorite classes again. :) Along with my newly found favorite class, Photography. I love it. :)

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I have great people in my life. I have great people that I care about and who really care about me. It's really a great feeling. :)

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Condoms. :)

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I just felt like throwing something in that was totally random. :)

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I am happy with my life right now. It may not seem like it, but I really am. I'm going to try and not let things get me down. :)

Untitled

I can't take it anymore. I really can't. Everyone is always trying to bring me down. I can't do it. It hurts. It really hurts. I can't do it. I can't do it. I'm barely hanging on. I'm really down and I am so out. I need to breathe. I need change. I just need to get away.